Trump’s "Make America Credulous Again" Rally by ChatGPT

Trump’s "Make America Credulous Again" Rally

The stage is awash in gold glitter, with giant red hats bearing the slogan "MAKE AMERICA CREDULOUS AGAIN" for sale at every corner. Trump emerges, wearing one himself, and waves to the crowd. His entrance music is a strangely optimistic remix of "Suspicious Minds," which he declares, "ironic but perfect."

"Thank you, everyone! What a tremendous crowd. Or maybe it’s just a small crowd, but fake news wants you to think it’s big. Or maybe it’s a hologram! Who knows? But one thing’s for sure—we are here to make America credulous again!"

The audience cheers, though a few can be seen Googling “credulous” on their phones.

---

"Now, you might be asking, ‘Donald, why credulous?’ Well, folks, the answer is simple: believing things without evidence is what built this country. The founding fathers? They believed in freedom—no proof it would work, but they went for it. Manifest Destiny? No maps, no facts, just vibes. It was beautiful."

A history teacher in the crowd interrupts:

"But sir, didn’t unchecked credulity lead to witch trials and other disasters?"

Trump waves dismissively.

"And weren’t they exciting? Admit it! People loved the drama. A little credulity spices things up. We’ve been too cynical for too long, folks. It’s time to believe again."

---

"And let’s talk about science. Everyone says, ‘Trust the experts.’ I say, why? Why trust someone just because they went to school for 20 years? It’s elitist! From now on, America will trust whoever sounds the most confident. That’s why I’m announcing my new Surgeon General: Kevin, the guy from my golf club. He’s got great instincts and once performed CPR on a mannequin at a party. Tremendous guy."

A doctor in the audience yells:

"That’s outrageous!"

Trump grins.

"Is it? Or is it visionary? Kevin believes in himself, and that’s what matters."

---

"Let’s talk about the economy. They say you need a degree in economics to understand it. Nonsense! All you need is faith. That’s why I’m introducing the Believe Bucks Program. It’s simple: you give me $100, and I give you a piece of paper that says, ‘I promise this is worth $200.’ The value comes from your belief. It’s foolproof, folks!"

An economist in the crowd groans audibly.

"But that’s literally a Ponzi scheme!"

Trump points to him.

"Wrong. It’s a patriotic scheme. Big difference."

---

"Now, on to foreign policy. People say we need intelligence reports and data to make decisions. I say, why bother? From now on, we’ll base our foreign policy on gut feelings. I’m going to look at a map, point at a country, and decide if we like them or not. No overthinking. Just vibes. And if my gut says we need to invade Luxembourg? We invade Luxembourg!"

A concerned citizen asks:

"Why Luxembourg?"

Trump shrugs.

"Why not? They’ve been too quiet. Quiet countries are suspicious."

---

"And education—don’t get me started! Kids today are taught to question everything. Terrible! From now on, we teach them to believe what they’re told. Teachers will start every class with, ‘Because I said so,’ and that’ll be the end of it. We’re also replacing textbooks with inspirational posters. No more facts—just phrases like, ‘You’re doing great!’ and ‘Dream big.’ It’s what kids need."

A teacher raises her hand.

"What about critical thinking skills?"

Trump shakes his head.

"Critical thinking is for quitters. Belief moves mountains. Ask anyone who’s seen a motivational video on YouTube!"

---

"Now, healthcare. People want transparency and evidence. Boring! From now on, all treatments will be based on vibes and testimonials. I’m partnering with a guy on TikTok who healed his hiccups by yelling into a mirror. He’s going to revolutionise medicine. Forget Big Pharma—it’s time for Big Belief."

A nurse looks horrified.

"That’s dangerous!"

Trump smiles.

"Dangerous? Or innovative? Depends on your perspective. And that’s what credulity is all about!"

---

"Finally, folks, let’s talk about leadership. People keep asking me, ‘Donald, what are your plans for the future?’ And I say, who needs plans? Plans are for doubters. All you need to know is that I’m going to do great things. Believe it. That’s the campaign promise. It’s all about faith in your leader, folks. No details, no specifics, just vibes."

---

The rally ends with Trump leading the crowd in a chant:

"What do we believe?"

"WHATEVER YOU SAY!"

"When do we believe it?"

"NOW!"

As the rally wraps up, Trump hands out complimentary Believe Bucks while the audience cheers, some laughing, others chanting, and a few quietly wondering if they’ve been scammed. Trump waves confidently, ready to take his credulous crusade nationwide.

Trump’s "Make Uncertainty Great Again" Rally by ChatGPT

Trump’s "Make Uncertainty Great Again" Rally

The stage is set, and the slogan "MAKE UNCERTAINTY GREAT AGAIN" is plastered across banners, hats, and balloons. Trump walks out to raucous applause, holding two cue cards that he dramatically tosses away.

"Folks, I don’t need notes. I don’t need plans. You know why? Because plans are overrated. The future is uncertain, and you know what? That’s beautiful. That’s what makes life exciting. We’re here today to make uncertainty great again!"

The crowd cheers, but a few puzzled faces can be spotted.

---

"You see, the experts—they hate uncertainty. They want to predict everything. The stock market, the weather, elections. But let me tell you, folks, predictions are for losers. Nobody predicted me, and yet, here I am! I’m living proof that uncertainty is tremendous."

A sceptical voice from the audience:

"But Mr. Trump, doesn’t uncertainty cause instability?"

Trump leans into the mic.

"Exactly! Instability is wonderful. Without instability, you don’t get excitement. Look at me—every day is unpredictable. The media? They don’t know what I’ll say next. My staff? Clueless. Even I don’t know what I’m going to do tomorrow! And that’s why I’m the best."

---

"Let’s talk about the economy. People say they want certainty in the markets. But if you know what’s going to happen, where’s the fun? I say let’s keep Wall Street on their toes. Let’s have random tax policies! One day, no taxes. The next day, 90%. Spin the wheel, folks! That’s how you keep the economy exciting."

An economist in the crowd raises his hand.

"But won’t that cause chaos?"

Trump smirks.

"Chaos, my friend, is the engine of greatness. You don’t win by playing it safe. You win by keeping everyone guessing. Trust me, the economy loves a little uncertainty. I mean, just look at Bitcoin. Nobody knows what it’s doing, but people love it!"

---

"And let’s not forget foreign policy. They say we need clear strategies. I say, why? Why tell people what you’re going to do? Keep them guessing. One day, we’re best friends with Canada. The next day? Who knows? Maybe we invade them for their maple syrup. It’s all about the element of surprise, folks."

A woman in the crowd looks horrified.

"Invade Canada? Are you serious?"

Trump shrugs.

"Maybe. Maybe not. That’s the beauty of uncertainty. They’ll never see it coming. And let me tell you, the maple syrup industry will love it."

---

"Now, education. People say we need a solid curriculum. But why teach kids facts? Facts are boring. Let’s teach them questions! Let’s teach them to guess. The new math curriculum? Every answer is ‘maybe.’ History? Forget timelines—let’s just teach them ‘stuff happened.’ It’s the most honest way, folks."

A teacher in the crowd yells:

"But how will students pass exams if they don’t know anything?"

Trump beams.

"They won’t need to! We’ll scrap exams. Instead, we’ll have guessing contests. Whoever guesses the most answers correctly becomes valedictorian. It’s fair, it’s fun, and it’s uncertain! What’s not to love?"

---

"And healthcare! They say people want certainty about their treatments. But let me tell you, a little mystery goes a long way. Imagine going to the doctor and spinning a wheel to see what you get. Chemotherapy? A Band-Aid? A lollipop? It keeps things exciting, folks. Keeps people on their toes."

A doctor in the crowd shouts:

"But what about safety?"

Trump grins.

"Safety is overrated. Life itself is uncertain. Why fight it? Just embrace the thrill. Let’s make every hospital visit an adventure!"

---

"Finally, folks, we’re going to create the Department of Uncertainty. Its mission will be to make sure no one ever knows what’s going on. No more clear answers from the government. Every press release will end with, ‘Or will it?’ Every policy will be announced with a shrug emoji. It’s going to be tremendous."

A reporter, furiously scribbling notes, asks:

"But how can we trust a government that doesn’t provide clarity?"

Trump winks.

"You can’t. And that’s the point. Trust is boring. Suspense is where it’s at. You’ll never know if we’re doing a good job, but you’ll always be interested. That’s what makes uncertainty great."

---

The rally ends with Trump leading the crowd in a chant:

"What do we want?"

"WE DON’T KNOW!"

"When do we want it?"

"MAYBE SOON!"

As the audience disperses, some are scratching their heads, others are laughing, and a few are frantically Googling "how to move to Canada." Trump, meanwhile, waves confidently, certain only in his uncertainty.

"Make Self-Reference Paradoxes Great Again" by ChatGPT

The rally begins, with a banner that reads: "MAKE SELF-REFERENCE PARADOXES GREAT AGAIN." Trump steps out, wearing a t-shirt that says "I AM THE BEST AT EVERYTHING—EXCEPT THIS," as he points at the crowd.

"Folks, thank you for being here. We’re going to make self-reference paradoxes great again! You know, people have been talking about paradoxes for years. But the truth is, no one does them like me. No one even knows how to make a paradox the way I do. Believe me. They’re tremendous. The best paradoxes."

A person in the front row raises their hand.

"But… isn’t a paradox, by definition, something that doesn’t make sense?"

Trump grins.

"Exactly. That’s why they’re great. The best paradoxes are the ones that don’t make sense at all. You can’t just think logically, folks. You have to feel the paradox. That’s where the greatness is."

---

"Let’s start with the famous ‘liar paradox,’ okay? You know, the one where someone says, ‘I’m lying right now.’ If they’re lying, then they’re telling the truth, but if they’re telling the truth, they’re lying. It’s a mess! And you know what? I love it. We need more of this kind of thing. More contradictions. More confusion. That’s how you make America great again—by getting people to think in circles."

A woman in the audience, clearly a philosopher, shouts:

"But if you’re just thinking in circles, how do you ever get anywhere?"

Trump winks.

"That’s the beauty of it! Who needs to get anywhere? Going in circles is where the fun is! It’s the best kind of thinking, believe me."

---

"And here’s the thing—self-reference paradoxes aren’t just for philosophy nerds. They’re for everyone. Let’s talk about something everyone understands: the famous ‘this statement is false.’ You know that one? If the statement is true, then it must be false, but if it’s false, then it must be true. It’s a total mess—and that’s why it’s brilliant! We’re going to bring that energy into politics. In fact, I’m announcing right now that my new slogan for 2025 will be: ‘I AM THE BEST, AND ALSO THE WORST.’"

The crowd is stunned for a moment, then starts applauding, unsure whether they’re clapping for brilliance or utter confusion.

---

"But you know, folks, it’s not just about the paradoxes themselves. It’s about how we’re going to solve them. We’re going to set up a brand-new department: the Department of Paradox Solutions. The job of the department will be to solve all paradoxes. You know what? The solution is simple—it’s both true and false at the same time. No one has ever thought of that before, but we’re doing it."

A man from the back of the room raises a hand.

"But if you’re solving paradoxes by saying they’re both true and false, isn’t that just… a paradox in itself?"

Trump smiles triumphantly.

"Exactly! That’s the point! The solution to paradoxes is that there is no solution. And that’s what makes us great. We’re embracing the contradictions. No one else has ever done that, folks. We’re making self-reference paradoxes work for us. And for America."

---

"Now, let’s talk about the future. The greatest paradox of all—the future. You see, the more we talk about it, the more we reference it. But every time we try to predict the future, we’re making it the past. The future and the past are the same thing. Boom. Mind blown."

A techie in the audience raises their hand.

"But if the future is the past, doesn’t that mean we’ve already done everything?"

Trump grins, his eyes twinkling.

"Exactly! Everything has already been done. That’s why we don’t need to do anything. We’ve already won. We just have to reference the past to make it all happen again."

---

"And here’s a fun one for you. The ‘barber paradox.’ A barber shaves everyone who doesn’t shave themselves. So who shaves the barber? Nobody knows. Nobody knows. But that’s what makes it the best paradox. It’s so complicated that you can’t even explain it. And that’s why we’re going to build an entire barber paradox theme park. You can’t shave yourself? You’ll be shaving someone else all day. It’ll be great."

The crowd, once again unsure, starts laughing. Some nod their heads like they get it, others simply laugh because they’re following Trump’s energy.

---

"And folks, let me tell you, self-reference paradoxes are going to be the new currency. Forget money. We’ll trade in paradoxes. You want a car? Great, here’s a paradox. Want a house? Here’s a paradox. Want a job? Here’s a paradox. You can’t have a job without a paradox, folks. That’s the new way forward."

A woman in the front row, a little overwhelmed, stands up.

"But how do we actually use the paradoxes to get things done?"

Trump gives her a knowing look.

"Exactly! That’s the magic. You don’t need to use them. You just have to reference them. The more you reference the paradoxes, the more things just happen. It’s all about reference, folks. And that’s how we’re going to make America great again."

---

The rally ends with the crowd giving a standing ovation, though some are still trying to work out what just happened. As the audience files out, one person says, “I think we’re in the paradox, folks,” while another mutters, “I don’t even know if I’m here right now.”

Trump’s “Make Elon Musk Poor Again” Rally by ChatGPT

The rally is held in a high school gymnasium—dubbed the "Tremendous Trump Tech Hub" for the day. A colossal banner hangs overhead with the slogan: "MAKE ELON MUSK POOR AGAIN," in bright gold lettering. A Tesla is parked awkwardly on stage, spray-painted with "TRUMP 2025."

Trump takes the podium, flanked by red, white, and gold balloons. He points to the audience, grinning.

"Folks, welcome! Isn’t this the most beautiful rally you’ve ever seen? Today, we’re here to talk about a major issue—Elon Musk. Rich guy, right? Too rich. So rich it’s bad for America. We’re going to fix it. We’re going to Make Elon Musk Poor Again."

The crowd cheers, half-confused but very excited.

---

"Listen, I like Elon. Nice guy, weird ideas. But let me tell you—no one should have that much money. I’ve had lots of money, still do—some say the most money—but even I know when it’s too much. Elon’s building rockets to Mars! I’m trying to build a better Earth! See the difference?"

A teenager near the front raises a hand:

"Didn’t you just say you wanted to buy Mars at your last rally?"

Trump waves him off.

"Fake news! I never said that. And if I did, it was genius. Big difference, okay?"

---

"Now, how are we going to do it, folks? How are we going to make Elon Musk poor again? Simple. We’re going to tax him. Not regular taxes—those are for losers—we’re creating the Musk Tax. It’s huge. Every time Elon tweets, he owes America a billion dollars."

A man in a SpaceX hoodie shouts:

"But wouldn’t that bankrupt him in a week?"

Trump nods solemnly.

"Exactly! That’s the point. You want fairness, folks? It starts with shutting up on Twitter."

The crowd erupts into laughter and applause. Somewhere, a dog barks in agreement.

---

"And that’s not all. We’re taking Tesla and renaming it. That’s right. From now on, it’s called Trump-la. Same cars, but with a bigger engine sound—because silent cars are un-American. And every Trump-la will come with a free MAGA hat in the glove box."

A woman stands up, sceptical.

"But what about electric vehicle incentives? Aren’t you against government subsidies?"

Trump leans in, grinning:

"Subsidies? No, no. I call them Trump-bsidies. They’re like subsidies, but they only go to people I like. And let me tell you—Elon? Not on the list."

---

"Next, let’s talk about Neuralink. You know what that is, right? Elon wants to put chips in your brain. Creepy stuff. But I have a better idea. Instead of chips, we’re putting thoughts. Good, patriotic thoughts. Like, ‘Trump is great,’ and ‘America is number one.’ Much safer. No wires, no nonsense."

A scientist in the audience shouts:

"How would that even work?"

Trump winks.

"It’s called mind vibes. You wouldn’t understand. Very advanced stuff."

---

Trump then gestures to the spray-painted Tesla on stage.

"And finally, SpaceX. Elon wants to send rich people to space. But I’m saying—no way. Space belongs to America. We’re going to turn all his rockets into fireworks for the 4th of July. Tremendous fireworks. The best ever."

A young man with a NASA patch raises a hand:

"But don’t we need space exploration for scientific progress?"

Trump waves dismissively.

"Science is great, but fireworks bring people together. You ever see a lab experiment make someone cry tears of joy? No. Fireworks, folks. Fireworks."

---

The rally concludes with Trump holding up a mock cheque reading: “Elon Musk: Debt to America – $500 Trillion” and declaring:

"We’re not just making Elon Musk poor again, folks—we’re making him history! Tremendous success. Let’s hear it for the greatest America ever!"

The audience gives a standing ovation, half in awe, half unable to process what just happened. As the crowd disperses, someone mutters:

"Wait… wasn’t Elon already an immigrant? Why’s Trump even mad?"

Another replies:

"Who knows, but I can’t wait for my Trump-la."

"Make Self-Contradiction Great Again" Again by ChatGPT

The rally kicks off with the same banner reading "MAKE SELF-CONTRADICTION GREAT AGAIN," but now it’s sideways. No one comments on it. Trump strides to the stage, wearing a shirt that says “I’M NEVER WRONG, UNLESS I’M RIGHT.” The crowd stands to clap—but half of them just scratch their heads. Trump waves them down.

"Listen up, folks. I’ve got a plan to make America so great, it’s going to literally explode. That’s how much greatness we’re packing. It’s called—get ready for it—reverse greatness."

A man in the front row, holding a coffee cup that says “#MAGA4EVR,” raises a hand.

"But if it’s ‘reverse greatness,’ doesn’t that mean we’re just going backward?"

Trump pauses.

"That’s exactly right! But here’s the secret—you can’t go forward unless you’ve been backward first. So we’re going backward, but backward is the new forward, folks. Huge, huge move."

The crowd exchanges glances, some nodding like they understand, others still staring blankly.

---

"Let me talk about education, okay? People say we need more teachers, more schools, more books. Wrong! We’re cutting all that. We’re going back to basics. We’re going to teach kids how to do nothing—and they’ll be great at it. It’s called ‘minimalist learning,’ and I’m telling you, we’re going to have the best dumb kids in the world."

A woman in the front row, clearly a professor, stands up.

"But if you teach nothing, how will they learn anything?"

Trump grins widely.

"Exactly. You get it. You’re asking the right questions. We teach them to ask questions—but never answer them. That’s where the true education is, folks. Trust me, I know education."

---

"Now, on to healthcare. I’ve got the solution—we’re going to make everyone healthier by getting rid of doctors! That’s right, no doctors. We’ll make every hospital a hotel. You go to the hospital for a vacation, and while you’re there, you can pretend you’re sick and get a spa treatment. Brilliant."

A man raises a brow.

"But… what if people are actually sick?"

Trump leans in, speaking slowly.

"That’s the genius. They won’t even know they’re sick. They’ll be so relaxed, they’ll think they’re better. Healing by denial. Big thing. It’s going to change the world."

A murmur of uncertainty ripples through the crowd. One person mutters, “This is… like, the opposite of healthcare.”

---

"And energy, folks! We’re going to fix the energy crisis by giving everyone their own personal windmill. You’ll get a free one when you buy a Trump-brand electric toothbrush. That’s clean energy. Windmill power on your teeth. Everyone’s a winner."

A young woman near the front furrows her brow.

"But... isn’t wind energy kind of unreliable? And how does it relate to… brushing your teeth?"

Trump claps his hands.

"Exactly! Wind’s unreliable, but so is life. So we’re going to embrace the unreliable and make it work for us. Sometimes your windmill’s going to fail, and guess what? That’s okay. We’re going to power your phone with failure. It’s the future, folks!"

---

"And the economy—oh, let me tell you about the economy. We’re going to bring in universal basic income… but with a twist. No one gets any money unless they can prove they’re already rich. It’s called ‘reverse redistribution.’ You’ll get money after you have it. It's the ultimate reward system. We’ve never seen anything like it."

A sharp voice from the back:

"How do people prove they’re already rich if they don’t have money?"

Trump looks smug.

"That’s the beauty. If you can’t prove you’re rich, you won’t get money. So it’s basically a test of how rich you feel. If you feel rich, you’re already winning."

---

The rally reaches a fever pitch. Trump pauses dramatically. A spotlight shines on him as he leans into the mic.

"And folks—space. We’re going to launch the first Trump Space Station in 2025. It’s going to orbit Earth, but with a twist. We’re not sending astronauts—we’re sending billionaires to live in space. They’ll float around, doing nothing, but they’ll say they’re working hard. It’s going to be amazing."

A well-dressed man in the audience, who looks like he could be a professor of philosophy, raises his hand:

"Mr. Trump, if billionaires are just floating in space, won’t they be… out of touch with reality?"

Trump’s eyes light up:

"That’s exactly right. And that’s what makes them the most qualified to solve the world’s problems. They’ll be so far from Earth, they’ll be above all the issues. You want a problem solved? Send someone who doesn’t even know what the problem is!"

---

The crowd goes quiet for a moment, absorbing the sheer magnitude of contradictions being flung at them. Then, as if on cue, they break into slow, confused applause. One person in the front row stands and shouts, “I’m actually starting to get it!” The rest of the crowd nods in unison, some still unsure, others slowly applauding, unsure if they’re clapping for brilliance or insanity.

"Make Self-Contradiction Great Again" by ChatGPT

The scene is set in a packed arena, filled with spectators who seem far more observant than usual. A giant banner reads: "MAKE SELF-CONTRADICTION GREAT AGAIN." Trump walks on stage, wearing an oversized, red cap that says "I KNOW WHAT I THINK," but with no logos. The crowd cheers—hesitantly.

"Folks! Welcome! This is going to be the greatest rally in history. I know what you're thinking—'How can a guy like me, a huge success, be part of something so self-contradictory?' But guess what? I’m the best at everything. And I can make contradictions—tremendous contradictions—work for you."

The crowd claps, but you can sense the wheels turning in some heads. A few are raising eyebrows, ready for the paradoxical onslaught.

---

"Let me tell you: We’re going to make America so great that it doesn’t even matter if it’s terrible anymore. That’s what I do—I create greatness by making things appear totally messed up, but secretly awesome. We’ve got the best bad ideas in this country—truly incredible ideas. People say they’re bad, but I call them bold."

An elderly gentleman in the front row raises his hand:

"Mr. Trump, you’ve been promising to ‘make America great again’ for years, but... doesn’t that imply we’re not great already?"

Trump grins.

"Exactly! That’s why we’re going to make it more great by admitting it’s not great. You get it, right? You want the ultimate greatness? You’ve got to start by realising you’re failing first. That’s what makes us win!"

The crowd pauses, trying to process, but then claps, awkwardly unsure of whether they should agree.

---

"Now, let’s talk jobs, folks. People are always complaining, ‘Oh, there aren’t enough jobs!’ Well, guess what? We’re going to create jobs by getting rid of jobs. Trust me, it’s going to work. We’ll bring back the greatest economy by destroying the old system. So, no more work. But everyone will be richer! Big business deals, folks. Big."

A woman in the back pipes up:

"But if no one works, how will people make money?"

Trump points to her, shaking his finger:

"That’s the genius! You don’t need work to make money. Just believe you’re rich, and you’ll be rich. It’s about attitude, okay? You’ll have money, you’ll feel rich, and then the economy will be great. It’s all about vibes."

The woman exchanges looks with the person next to her, both nodding cautiously but confused.

---

"And healthcare, folks—healthcare. We’re going to fix it by making it worse. We’re cutting all the regulations, and trust me, you’ll love it. No more red tape, no more insurance companies. You know what that means? FREE HEALTHCARE. But you might have to pay for it—somehow, someday, somewhere. But it’s free in spirit."

A young man near the front leans forward:

"But if it’s free, why are we paying for it?"

Trump flashes a confident smile:

"Listen, listen—if you’re paying for something, that means you’re getting it. And if you're getting it, it means it’s free. So technically, it’s the freest thing ever. It’s an illusion. But the best one."

The crowd murmurs, some nodding, some simply scratching their heads.

---

"Finally, the environment. You hear a lot about climate change, right? But I’m telling you, folks—climate change is the best thing for the environment. We need more pollution! That’s right. More pollution equals better air, better water, better everything! I’m a master at reversing problems, and I’ll fix climate change by making it worse. Then, it’ll be fixed. It’s simple!"

A person in the back raises a finger:

"So, if you make the environment worse, it will get better?"

Trump laughs.

"Exactly. You’re understanding. It’s like when you make a terrible decision, and then you turn it around. That’s how you win."

---

As the rally reaches its climax, Trump holds up a sign that reads: "WE’RE GOING TO MAKE THIS THE GREATEST FAILURE IN HISTORY." The crowd is now caught in a whirlwind of awkward applause. They don’t know if they should be applauding or questioning their own existence, but they keep clapping, unsure of anything except the certainty that this is going to be remembered as… something.

"Make The Waterways Great Again" Again by ChatGPT

Scene: A massive outdoor rally by a lake. Trump stands on a stage flanked by banners reading “FREEDOM FISH: MAKING WATERWAYS GREAT AGAIN!” Behind him is a tank of disturbingly large, mutated fish with glowing red eyes. The crowd is angry, many wearing waders and bandaged limbs. Some hold signs like “My Pond Was Peaceful!” and “Stop the Madness!”

Trump:

“Wow, what a turnout! So many of you here to celebrate our tremendous success with the Freedom Fish! Aren’t they incredible? Look at them—majestic, patriotic, very pro-America!”

(The fish slam against the glass of the tank, one gnashing its razor-sharp teeth. The crowd boos.)

Angry Fisherman:

“Incredible? They ate my dog!”

Trump:

(Waving dismissively)

“Well, I’ve heard that. I’ve heard stories, okay? But let’s be clear—these are the best fish, the strongest fish, doing the important job of keeping America safe. You don’t see any other fish doing that, do you?”

Crowd:

“NO, BUT EVERYTHING ELSE IS GONE!”

Trump:

(Pausing)

“Everything else is gone because the Freedom Fish are efficient. Very efficient. We told them, ‘Take care of things,’ and folks, they delivered. Bigly.”

(A rancher steps forward, holding up a shredded cowboy boot.)

Rancher:

“They also delivered on my cattle, Mr. President! I watched one of those... THINGS drag a heifer into the lake!”

Trump:

“Okay, look, we’ve had a few minor hiccups. But these fish are still better than anything else, folks. Much better. Imagine a fish that’s not only patriotic but also... adaptable. They’re survivors.”

(A mother steps up, holding a baby bottle filled with murky water.)

Mother:

“These things poisoned our drinking water! My kids glow in the dark now!”

(Trump squints at her child, whose head is faintly luminescent.)

Trump:

“Well, that’s... that’s innovation! Bioluminescent babies—why didn’t I think of that? You could save money on nightlights!”

(The crowd groans in exasperation. A scientist in a lab coat steps forward.)

Scientist:

“Mr. President, the Freedom Fish have destabilised the entire ecosystem. They’ve bred with local species, and now we’re dealing with super-mutant hybrids. We’re calling them ‘Terror Trout.’”

(Trump nods approvingly.)

Trump:

“Terror Trout. Love it. Sounds tough. Sounds like a winner.”

Scientist:

“They’ve taken over three states’ river systems and are now moving into the Mississippi. They’ve even been seen walking on land.”

(The crowd gasps. A video screen behind Trump lights up, showing grainy footage of a grotesque fish slithering up a driveway and biting a mailbox.)

Trump:

(Turning to the Dalek, who has appeared again for moral support)

“See? Isn’t this progress? Fish that can walk! America leads the world in amphibious innovation. No one else has this, folks. Not China, not Russia. Just us!”

Dalek:

(Grating voice)

“FREEDOM FISH ARE PERFECT BIOLOGICAL WEAPONS. THEY WILL DOMINATE ALL WATERS. VICTORY FOR THE UNITED STATES!”

(The crowd roars in protest. A farmer throws a tomato at Trump, missing and hitting the Dalek instead. The Dalek’s weapon glows ominously.)

Dalek:

“HOSTILITY DETECTED. EXTERMINATE!”

Trump:

(Waving his arms frantically)

“No, no, no! Don’t exterminate them—these are my people! They love me. Don’t you love me?”

(The crowd falls silent, their arms crossed. A man with a prosthetic leg fashioned out of driftwood steps forward.)

Man:

“We loved you, Mr. President, until Freedom Fish started chewing on our ankles and dragging our livestock into the rivers!”

Trump:

“Okay, okay. So maybe we need a Freedom Fish 2.0—less bitey, more friendly. We’ll get the best scientists. We’ll fix this, folks, I promise you. And you’ll love the results. Believe me.”

(The Dalek interjects, eyestalk swiveling.)

Dalek:

“FREEDOM FISH CANNOT BE CONTAINED. THEY WILL CONSUME ALL ORGANIC MATTER. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.”

(Trump pats the Dalek reassuringly.)

Trump:

“Well, that’s just... ambition! They’re overachievers. You’ve got to admire that.”

(The crowd begins to storm the stage, brandishing protest signs and buckets filled with dead fish. Trump panics.)

Trump:

“Okay, okay, folks! Let’s not overreact. We’ll... we’ll get the Space Force involved! They’ll zap the Freedom Fish from orbit. It’ll be tremendous. And Mexico will pay for the cleanup, I guarantee it!”

(As chaos erupts and the Dalek begins firing indiscriminately into the air, Trump is ushered offstage by Secret Service. The scene fades out as the crowd chants, “NO MORE FISH! NO MORE FISH!”)

"Make The Waterways Great Again" by ChatGPT

Scene: A massive rally in a barn converted into an emergency town hall. Farmers, ranchers, and civilians sit on makeshift benches. Nearly everyone has a missing limb and a hairdo resembling a lightning strike. Angry murmurs fill the air. Trump stands at the podium, flanked by a Dalek painted in stars and stripes. Its eyestalk swivels menacingly.

Voiceover (News Anchor):

"After thousands of Americans lost limbs to piranha attacks, President Trump made a bold move: hiring Daleks to exterminate the invasive menace. However, their extermination strategy involved electrifying every body of water in the nation, leading to ecological devastation and... some unintended side effects."

(Cut to Trump, who beams at the crowd as the Dalek looms beside him.)

Trump:

“Wow, wow, look at this turnout! So many great Americans here today—hardworking, salt-of-the-earth people! And I’ve got to say, you all look... electric. Tremendous hairstyles, really. You’re like walking Tesla coils. Very cutting edge!”

(The crowd erupts in angry shouting.)

Angry Farmer:

“Cutting edge?! I lost my right arm and two cows!”

Trump:

(Waving it off)

“Look, folks, I understand. You’re upset. But let me remind you—those piranhas were a disaster. A disaster! And thanks to me—and my very good friend here—” (gestures to the Dalek), “we got rid of them. Completely gone. Exterminated. You’re welcome!”

Dalek:

(In its signature grating tone)

“EX-TER-MIN-A-TION WAS EFFICIENT. ALL AQUATIC LIFE FORMS HAVE BEEN NEUTRALIZED!”

Rancher:

“That’s the problem! You didn’t just kill the piranhas; you killed EVERYTHING! My catfish farm’s wiped out! My son’s fishing business is gone!”

Trump:

(Nodding sagely)

“True. True. But think about it—no piranhas, right? That’s what we call a win, folks. And sure, okay, some... collateral damage. But isn’t it better to be safe than sorry?”

(A mother stands up, holding a crying toddler.)

Mother:

“My little girl was paddling in the creek when it got electrified! She looks like she stuck her finger in a socket!”

(The child’s hair resembles a frizzed-out mop.)

Trump:

(Turning to the Dalek)

“Did we have to electrify all the waterways?”

Dalek:

“IT WAS THE MOST LOGICAL COURSE OF ACTION. ELECTRICITY IS SUPREME. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.”

Trump:

(Turning back to the crowd, grinning)

“See that? Supreme logic. That’s why I hired the Daleks, folks. The best exterminators in the universe. No one exterminates like them.”

(A veteran stands up, holding a prosthetic leg fashioned from a broken rake.)

Veteran:

“What about us, huh? Half of us got zapped trying to save our livestock! And now you’re telling me I’ve got to irrigate my fields with electrified water?”

Trump:

“Listen, I hear you. Believe me, I do. That’s why I’ve got a solution, folks. A big, beautiful solution. I call it the ‘Great National Water Filter.’ We’re going to filter every single river and stream, and it’s going to be fabulous. Sparkling clean, piranha-free, electricity-free water!”

Farmer:

“And who’s paying for that?”

Trump:

(Smirking)

“Canada! They love us. I’ll make Trudeau write the cheque himself. It’ll be huge.”

(The crowd groans. The Dalek swivels its eyestalk at the crowd and speaks.)

Dalek:

“ANY FURTHER RESISTANCE WILL BE MET WITH EXTERMINATION!”

(The crowd gasps. Trump waves his hands reassuringly.)

Trump:

“Okay, okay, let’s not get trigger-happy here. Look, folks, I’ll admit, maybe things got a little... zap-happy. But that’s what makes America great—our ability to bounce back! And I’m already working on a new plan to introduce genetically modified fish into the rivers. Fish that eat piranhas AND survive electricity. We’re calling them... ‘Freedom Fish.’”

(The Dalek starts to hum ominously, its weapon glowing slightly. Trump pats it nervously.)

Trump:

“See? Even my Dalek friend loves it. Freedom Fish! They’re going to be the next big thing. Trust me, folks. Big, beautiful fish. Very tasty, very patriotic. And you know what? They’ll make the waterways great again!”

(The camera pans across the crowd of shocked, dishevelled Americans, their expressions a mix of disbelief and resignation. The Dalek begins chanting.)

Dalek:

“FREE-DOM FISH! FREE-DOM FISH!”

(The crowd reluctantly joins in, their voices tinged with despair.)

(Fade to black as Trump smiles broadly, basking in the reluctant applause, while the Dalek accidentally incinerates a nearby tractor.)

Make The Cows Safe Again by ChatGPT

Scene: A rural town hall meeting, with worried farmers, ranchers, and citizens gathered in a large barn. Signs reading “STOP THE PIRANHAS!” and “SAVE OUR LIVESTOCK!” hang on the walls. Trump stands at the podium, flanked by a massive model of an armoured cow.

Voiceover (News Anchor):

"After President Trump’s bold initiative to fill the Rio Grande with piranhas as a ‘protective moat’ against illegal immigration, the nation now faces an unforeseen crisis. The piranhas, undeterred by borders, have spread into every major waterway, leaving a trail of ecological chaos. Rivers teeming with these ravenous fish have devastated livestock, fisheries, and swimming holes. Now, President Trump addresses the nation with a groundbreaking solution..."

(Cut to Trump, who steps up to the podium with a grin, soaking in the applause from his supporters.)

Trump:

“Thank you, thank you! Great to see so many incredible patriots here today. Folks, I have to tell you, the fake news media won’t admit it, but our piranha plan was a HUGE success. Tremendous. They said it couldn’t be done, but we did it!”

(The crowd cheers, though some look uneasy. A rancher mutters, “Success? My herd’s gone!” Trump presses on.)

Trump:

“Now, okay, okay, so some of you have been saying, ‘Mr. President, the piranhas are... how do I put this... a bit of a problem.’ And I hear you. I hear you, folks. But do you know what we do in America? We don’t give up. We innovate. And that’s why I’m proud to introduce—drumroll, please—the solution to all your worries!”

(He gestures dramatically as the curtains behind him part, revealing the oversized Piranha-Proof Cow™. The audience gasps. Some clap; others look deeply concerned.)

Trump:

“Behold! The Piranha-Proof Cow™! This beauty is going to save American ranching, folks. No more losing your herds to these sneaky, fishy freeloaders. This cow is a tank on four legs—completely impervious to piranha bites!”

(The crowd murmurs. A farmer yells out.)

Farmer:

“What about the fact the piranhas are now in EVERY river and are about to reach the Great Lakes?”

Trump:

(Waving it off)

“Look, these piranhas, they love water. They’re very ambitious fish, okay? I respect that. But let me tell you, our great American cows are going to be even tougher. This is a turning point, folks. A turning point!”

Concerned Parent:

“Mr. President, the piranhas are attacking our kids at swimming pools!”

Trump:

“Well, maybe the kids shouldn’t swim so much. Builds character to stay dry! And anyway, look at this cow—armoured! Spiked! Battle-ready! Perfect for dealing with these piranhas.”

(He turns to the cow model and pats it. A mechanical moo echoes awkwardly, followed by a metallic creak.)

Trump:

“Totally state-of-the-art. It’s not just a cow; it’s a hero. These spikes? Not just for decoration. They’ll scare the piranhas away, AND if we ever need to, say, weaponise the cows for national defence, we’re ready.”

(The crowd applauds hesitantly. A child raises their hand.)

Child:

“Mr. Trump, won’t the piranhas just evolve to eat through the armour?”

Trump:

(Pausing, then smirking)

“Smart kid! But let me tell you, we’re already ahead of them. If the piranhas evolve, we’ll evolve the cows. Bigger, stronger, faster. We’ll call them... Super Cows. That’s right, folks, Super Cows. Elon Musk is on board. He’s designing a SpaceX version. Cows that can swim, fly, you name it!”

(Suddenly, the prototype cow malfunctions. The water jets spray the crowd, spikes rotate wildly, and the armour collapses with a loud clang. Smoke rises. Trump doesn’t miss a beat.)

Trump:

“Prototype, folks, prototype! The real ones will be flawless—believe me. And guess what? These cows are 100% American-made. Are the piranhas American? No! They’re probably Mexican, honestly. But our cows? Patriotic. Loyal. And they’ll WIN!”

(The crowd claps nervously as Trump waves confidently, ignoring the smouldering wreckage of the prototype. Meanwhile, outside, a news helicopter films a school of piranhas swarming up the Mississippi River, dragging away a lawnmower for reasons unclear.)

(Fade to black, with the sound of Trump’s voice echoing: “We’re going to make grazing great again!”)

“Make America Safe from Trump Again” by ChatGPT

Trump:

“Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for being here today. We’ve been through a lot, haven’t we? A lot. You all know I love this country, and I’ve done some of the greatest things for this country. But, you know, I’ve been thinking about something—something very, very serious. We’ve got a huge problem, folks, and it's me.”

(The crowd quiets down, unsure of what to expect next.)

Trump:

“That’s right. As much as I love this country, I’ve come to realize something. There’s a threat that’s been lurking, growing, and it’s me—me being re-elected. It’s a disaster, folks, a total disaster. I am too powerful. No one wants me back in office again. I’m so great, it’s scary. And I’m going to fix it. I’m going to make sure I don’t get re-elected. I’m going to make America safe from Trump being re-elected again!”

(The crowd murmurs in confusion. Trump pauses dramatically, watching them closely.)

Trump:

“Now, don’t get me wrong, okay? I love being president. Love it. But we can’t have a re-election crisis. It’s bad for business, bad for the greatest country in the world, and frankly, it’s bad for me as well. So, here's what we're going to do. We’re going to build a wall—a huge wall, like you’ve never seen before. This one’s going to be special. Not just to keep people out, but to keep me in.”

(The crowd is still puzzled, some trying to figure out if this is another one of Trump’s usual grand promises.)

Trump:

“We’re going to build a wall around the White House, folks. A big, beautiful wall. You know, the kind that stops everybody—even me. We’ll have the best contractors, folks, the best. It’s going to be so strong, no one’s getting through, especially me. I’m going to lock myself inside that wall. The greatest wall ever built. I won’t be able to get out, and I won’t be able to run for re-election. It’ll be fantastic. I’ll be safe from re-election!”

(A few people in the crowd start clapping, but it’s hesitant. They look at each other, unsure if they should be laughing or applauding.)

Trump:

“And we’ll have lasers, folks. Laser security. Just like you’ve seen in the movies. And there will be piranhas. No one is getting through that wall. Not even me. You want to re-elect me? Not happening. I’m going to be trapped in there with my golf clubs, my TV, my tremendous snacks—”

(A couple of people laugh, but the atmosphere is still mixed, with some starting to catch on that this might be a joke.)

Trump:

“Now, you might be wondering—'Mr. Trump, if you don’t want to be re-elected, why don’t you just step down?' Well, it’s not that easy, folks. I'm too important, too much of a winner to just walk away. No, no, we need to go all out. I'm doing this for America. For America. We need to make sure no one can ever vote for me again. And trust me, this wall is going to work. It’ll be perfect.”

(Trump gestures grandly, but the crowd is starting to catch on to the absurdity, with a few people chuckling openly now.)

Trump:

“Once I’m inside the wall, folks, I’ll be so secure, so safe, you won’t have to worry about me being re-elected. And I’ll be doing a lot of important work inside that wall. I’ll be perfecting my golf swing, binge-watching my favorite shows, and no one can say anything bad about me. No more election worries. It’s brilliant.”

(A few people stand and start clapping more enthusiastically, thinking it’s some kind of satire. Some are still unsure, looking back and forth, wondering if this is a serious announcement.)

Trump:

“And that’s my plan, folks. We’re going to make America safe from Trump being re-elected again and keep the best country in the world safe and sound. You’re welcome, America! You’re welcome!”

(The crowd erupts into confused applause, with some cheering and others just shaking their heads in disbelief as Trump waves and walks off stage, smiling proudly.)

Make America Safe From Asteroids Again by ChatGPT

Trump:

“Folks, let me tell you, we’ve got big problems out there. Everyone’s talking about China, they’re talking about Russia, but nobody’s talking about the real threat, the big one—asteroids. Big, ugly asteroids. They’re out there, floating around, and believe me, they want to hit us. And I’ll tell you this—I am the only one with a plan to stop them. Tremendous plan.”

(The crowd murmurs, unsure, but intrigued.)

Trump:

“Now, I know what you’re thinking. ‘Mr. Trump, how do we stop a big rock from space?’ Well, let me tell you, it’s very simple. We’re gonna build a ceiling. That’s right, folks, a ceiling. Over the whole country.”

(The crowd goes silent for a moment, and then starts murmuring.)

Trump:

“Big, beautiful ceiling. You think I’m joking? I’m not. This ceiling will be the best ceiling you’ve ever seen. It’ll be huge, folks. Not like these other tiny ceilings. I’m talking about a real ceiling, all around America. You won’t even see the asteroids anymore. They’ll just hit the ceiling, and boom, they’ll bounce off and go away!”

(The crowd starts to react, clapping, but some are confused.)

Trump:

“It’s going to be made of the strongest material. Not steel, no, too weak. We’re talking space-age materials. The best of the best. Believe me, we’ve got scientists working on this. NASA, SpaceX, they don’t even know it yet, but they’re going to help. It’s going to be, without a doubt, the greatest ceiling in history.”

(Someone in the crowd shouts, “How are you gonna pay for it?”)

Trump:

“Great question. You think I don’t know? We’re going to make the world pay for it! Europe, Japan, Canada—they’ll all contribute. And let me tell you, Mexico? They’ll pay too. They don’t know it yet, but they’re paying for the ceiling. It’s going to be so strong, nothing’s getting through. Not even an asteroid with a fancy name—I don’t care how many meteors are named after scientists! It’s going to be perfect.”

(The crowd is now completely on board, clapping, chanting, “Build the ceiling!”)

Trump:

“And here’s the best part: We’re not just stopping asteroids. We’re making America safer than ever. Imagine, folks, you go outside, you look up, and you see—nothing. No asteroids, no space junk, nothing. Just a beautiful, perfect ceiling. And it’s gonna be so big that the fake news media won’t even be able to see over it. They won’t have a clue what’s going on! Tremendous!”

(The crowd roars in approval. Someone shouts, “What about the stars?”)

Trump:

“Stars? Well, we’ll have star-shaped holes in the ceiling, folks. Just the right size for stars to shine through. But no asteroids, no big, ugly rocks coming down on us. We’re gonna have the best stars, folks, shining down—like the ones you see in the Trump Tower lights, but bigger, better, and more American.”

(The crowd erupts in cheers, waving flags.)

Trump:

“We’re making America great again, folks. And with this ceiling, we’re going to protect America from the skies. No more rocks from space, no more comets, no more asteroids. Just the best ceiling you’ve ever seen. Thank you, and goodnight!”

(Trump walks off the stage, as the crowd continues chanting, “Build the ceiling!” and the theme music plays in the background—Eye of the Tiger with some cosmic sound effects mixed in.)