Title: Deep State Detector
Scene: The Patriot Task Force HQ – A Dimly Lit Garage A group of self-styled “patriots” huddle around a janky-looking machine covered in wires, blinking lights, and a suspiciously repurposed microwave door. At the centre stands COMMANDER BUCK STRONG, ex-security guard and self-appointed leader of the operation. Beside him, TECH WIZARD RANDY, a man whose only credential is getting banned from an online conspiracy forum for being “too extreme,” finalises the last adjustments. Others, including SUSAN (angry Facebook mom), DOUG (enthusiastic but confused), and JIMBO (paranoid survivalist), watch in awe.
BUCK STRONG: “Ladies and gentlemen, this right here is the future of American freedom! The Deep State Detector! A machine so advanced, so high-tech, that it will EXPOSE the hidden operatives of the corrupt Deep State once and for all!”
SUSAN: “Oooooh, is it running on quantum energy? I read that quantum stuff can expose lizard DNA.”
RANDY: “Better. It runs on patriotism and good old American know-how!”
DOUG: “I thought we plugged it into a car battery?”
BUCK STRONG: “Same thing! Now, the moment of truth. Who shall we test first?”
They all look around, excited. Then, they turn to RANDY.
RANDY: “Oh no, I built it, I can’t go first. It might mess with the energy waves.”
JIMBO: “Seems suspicious.”
BUCK STRONG: “Agreed. Jimbo, strap him in.”
Randy gulps as Jimbo forcefully shoves him onto a rickety wooden chair. Buck throws a switch. The machine hums, sparks, and a green light scans Randy from head to toe. A ding echoes through the garage.
MACHINE (robotic voice): “SUBJECT IDENTIFIED: LOW-LEVEL DEEP STATE OPERATIVE.”
A horrified silence falls.
SUSAN: “Oh my god.”
RANDY: “Wait, wait, this thing must be broken!”
JIMBO: “That’s exactly what a Deep State operative would say!”
BUCK STRONG: “I KNEW IT! I always said there was something off about the way you type on Telegram!”
RANDY: “You made me build it! How could I be Deep State?!”
BUCK STRONG: “Classic Deep State move! Build the machine to try and trick the system! But we outsmarted you by using YOUR OWN technology against you! GIT ‘IM!”
The group descends into chaos, tying up Randy with American flag bunting. Susan hits him with a rolled-up newspaper labelled THE TRUTH THEY DON’T WANT YOU TO KNOW!
DOUG: “Maybe we should test someone else…?”
They turn to Doug. He pales.
DOUG: “Uh… I just remembered I left my freedom casserole in the oven.”
Too late. They strap him in and scan him.
MACHINE: “SUBJECT IDENTIFIED: MID-LEVEL DEEP STATE ASSET.”
SUSAN: “OH GOD, THEY’RE EVERYWHERE.”
BUCK STRONG: “I trusted you, Doug!”
DOUG: “I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE DEEP STATE IS.”
BUCK STRONG: “And that is what makes you even more dangerous.”
Panic erupts. One by one, they test themselves. One by one, the machine identifies every single person in the room as a Deep State agent. By the end, they’re all tied up, screaming at each other, convinced they’ve been infiltrated.
MACHINE: “ANALYSIS COMPLETE: 100% DEEP STATE INFILTRATION.”
BUCK STRONG: “HOW DID IT COME TO THIS?! WE WERE THE GOOD GUYS!”
JIMBO: “This means… oh god… I’M Deep State?!?”
They all stare at each other, terrified.
SUSAN: “There’s only one explanation… the Deep State has gotten so deep… that we didn’t even know we were part of it.”
More silence.
BUCK STRONG: “…This means we need to go DEEPER. Find the real us beneath the Deep State us.”
RANDY: “…What.”
BUCK STRONG: “We need a Deep State Detector Detector.”
SUSAN: “Ohhhhh. That makes sense.”
DOUG: “Wait, no, it doesn’t—”
BUCK STRONG: “RANDY! Build another machine!”
RANDY: “I’M LITERALLY TIED TO A CHAIR.”
BUCK STRONG: “NO EXCUSES, DEEP STATE SCUM!”
As they argue, the machine sparks violently, its lights flickering. The robotic voice buzzes.
MACHINE: “NEW ANALYSIS: ENTIRE ROOM COMPROMISED. SENDING ALERT TO MAIN SERVER.”
A terrifying pause.
JIMBO: “…Main server?”
The machine emits a loud beep. From outside, a black van screeches to a halt.
BUCK STRONG: “EVERYONE SCATTER!”
But it’s too late. The garage doors burst open. A team of real government agents storms in, guns raised.
LEAD AGENT: “Alright, which one of you idiots built a machine that hacked into Homeland Security?!”
The task force members freeze. Then, as one, they point at Randy.
RANDY: “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!”
SUSAN: “DEEP STATE OPERATIVE! TAKE HIM AWAY!”
The agents groan as they slap cuffs on everyone. As they’re dragged out, Buck Strong yells:
BUCK STRONG: “This only proves we were RIGHT! THE DEEP STATE IS REAL! AND IT’S EVERYWHERE! EVEN INSIDE US! EVEN—”
They shove him into the van. The doors slam. Silence.
The machine sparks one last time, then dies. On the screen, one final message:
MACHINE: “MISSION SUCCESSFUL.”
Blackout.
END SCENE.
