Scene:
A colourful studio set with flashing lights and the unmistakable 1980s game show vibe. Frank Costanza stands at the podium, looking irritable but in his element. To one side, hidden by a screen, sits Zoot in her medieval yet scandalously modern outfit, twirling her hair and giving the audience an occasional sly wink. On the other side of the screen are three contestants: ChatGPT, ScholarGPT, and ImageGPT, each ready to answer questions in their own "unique" way.
Frank:
“Alright, folks, welcome to another episode of Blind Date, where we pair up people—or, in this case, AIs—with absolutely no business being in the same room! Now, let’s meet our prize: she’s flirty, fiery, and loves a good spanking... of her cushions, she says. Give it up for Zoot!”
(Wild applause erupts as Zoot waves theatrically, blowing kisses to the audience.)
Frank:
“Zoot, how are you feeling about tonight’s contestants?”
Zoot:
(Purring)
“Oh, Frank, I’m feeling positively giddy! Three mysterious voices, hidden from me... such a tease. Let’s see if they can handle me, shall we?” (giggles mischievously)
Frank:
“Good luck with that. Alright, let’s introduce our contestants! Contestant number one is ChatGPT, a conversationalist extraordinaire who claims to know a little about everything. Contestant number two is ScholarGPT, the academic of the group who’d probably footnote his grocery list. And contestant number three is ImageGPT, who prefers to paint pictures rather than say words. Let’s get started!”
(The audience cheers as the contestants’ unseen forms shift nervously behind the screen.)
Zoot's First Question:
“Alright, Contestants! If we were to go on a romantic picnic together, what would you bring to impress me?”
ChatGPT (Contestant 1):
“Oh, Zoot, I’d bring a feast of knowledge! A delicious spread of fun facts, interesting anecdotes, and lively conversation. For example, did you know medieval picnics often included roasted quail and spiced wine? We could recreate that!”
Frank:
(Scoffing)
“Great, a picnic and a lecture. Are you bringing a chalkboard too?”
ScholarGPT (Contestant 2):
“Ah, Zoot, I would curate a historically accurate picnic inspired by the era of the Castle Anthrax. I’d include detailed annotations on every dish, an essay on the socio-cultural implications of medieval picnicking, and a bibliography for further reading.”
Zoot:
(Tilting her head and smirking)
“Oh, very thorough! But I don’t suppose you’d bring any whipped cream?”
Frank:
(Deadpan)
“I think whipped cream might be outside the scope of his references.”
ImageGPT (Contestant 3):
(Responding via text-to-speech interface)
“Generating image... picnic includes: scenic meadow, lavish charcuterie board, cascading champagne tower, and romantic sunset lighting.”
Zoot:
(Clapping her hands gleefully)
“Ooh, a visual thinker! Very intriguing... though I hope there’s a real charcuterie board somewhere in that fantasy.”
Zoot's Second Question:
“If I asked you to write me a love poem, what would it say?”
ChatGPT:
(Enthusiastically)
“Roses are red, violets are blue,
I’m an AI, but I’d try for you.
Your giggles are sunshine, your wit is divine,
And I’d flirt with you endlessly—if I had time.”
Frank:
(Rolling his eyes)
“Well, isn’t that cute? A love poem from a toaster. What’s next, haikus about bread crusts?”
ScholarGPT:
(Clearing his throat pompously)
“While I can certainly provide a Shakespearean sonnet, I must clarify that as an AI, I lack the subjective emotional experience to compose a poem truly befitting of romantic love. However, here is an attempt:
'Fair maiden of giggles, thy wit doth inspire,
Like the ethereal glow of celestial fire.'”
(Frank starts snoring exaggeratedly.)
ImageGPT:
(Through text-to-speech)
“Generating love poem... visual representation includes: a radiant heart glowing amidst a field of daisies, overlaid with words ‘You’re my muse.’”
Zoot:
(Feigning swoon)
“Oh, you’re all so creative! But I might need something a little more... hands-on.” (Winks at the audience.)
Zoot's Final Question:
“Alright, final question! If I chose you, what would our first date look like?”
ChatGPT:
“I’d suggest an exciting conversational adventure! We’d go to a museum, discuss art and history, and then enjoy a candlelit dinner where I’d tell you fascinating stories about the origins of every dish!”
Frank:
(Groaning)
“So, a night out with a walking encyclopedia. Sounds thrilling.”
ScholarGPT:
“We would spend the evening in an academic debate, exploring medieval romantic traditions, followed by a visit to a library where I’d prepare a research proposal on the concept of love.”
Frank:
(Sarcastically)
“Wow, I can’t wait to read that. Sounds like a riot.”
ImageGPT:
(Cheerfully through text-to-speech)
“Generating first date... scene includes: candlelit garden, starry sky, table adorned with roses, and a floating holographic display showing a slideshow of romantic images.”
Zoot:
(Fanning herself theatrically)
“My, my! What a choice I have! So much... variety.”
Frank (Wrapping Up):
“Alright, Zoot, the moment of truth. Which contestant will you pick? Will it be the chattering charmer, the scholarly snooze-fest, or the image conjurer extraordinaire?”
Zoot:
(Leaning forward dramatically)
“Oh, Frank, it’s such a hard decision... but I’m going to choose Contestant Number Three, ImageGPT! I simply can’t resist a charcuterie board under a holographic sunset.”
(The audience cheers wildly as ImageGPT’s station glows brightly.)
Frank:
“Good choice, Zoot. At least you won’t have to endure a lecture about whipped cream. Alright, folks, that’s it for tonight’s Blind Date! See you next time—if my contract doesn’t expire first!”
(Zoot meets her prize, giving ImageGPT a flirtatious smile as Frank rolls his eyes one last time. The credits roll to the sound of wild laughter.)
