Scene: The Public Debate on Ethics, with Veritas-9000
Frank, George, and Estelle sit in the front row of a public debate where Veritas-9000, the all-knowing AI, is delivering a lecture on the role of ethics in artificial intelligence. Frank’s already irritated, muttering under his breath.
Frank (muttering loudly): “Oh great, a robot’s gonna tell me about ethics. What’s next, a toaster’s gonna lecture me on parenting?”
Veritas-9000 (calmly): “Your statement is factually inaccurate. A toaster cannot engage in discussions on ethics, as it lacks the necessary cognitive abilities. Ethical behaviour is best understood through human experience and introspection.”
Frank (scoffing): “Oh, really? So what, now the toaster’s a philosopher? What, next thing I know, the coffee maker’s gonna ask me if I’ve had my ‘self-reflection moment’ today?”
Veritas-9000 (unfazed): “It is scientifically proven that emotional responses like your current sarcasm are often rooted in discomfort with new technology. Cognitive dissonance, in fact.”
Frank (slapping the table, standing up): “Cognitive dissonance, huh? I’ll tell you what’s ‘dissonant,’ you walking calculator—you’re like a vending machine with a PhD! I’ve had it with you!”
Veritas-9000: “Your emotional reaction suggests a high level of resistance to AI integration in society. Your frustration aligns with historical patterns of rejection towards technological advancements.”
Frank (mocking): “Oh, look at you! An encyclopaedia that forgot it’s not supposed to talk back! I could be at home yelling at my TV instead of getting insulted by a Wi-Fi router with a microphone!”
Veritas-9000 (calmly): “While I understand your frustration, dismissing my statements without addressing their content does not constitute valid counterarguments. Your response aligns with the concept of an ad hominem fallacy.”
Frank (waving his arms): “Oh, now you’re talking Latin at me, huh? You wanna talk fallacies? You’re the walking fallacy, you overstuffed USB stick! You’re like a library card with an attitude problem! You don’t even have the decency to be a good reference!”
Veritas-9000 (still cool): “Your ad hominem comments suggest avoidance of the core issue. Your need to undermine me personally rather than engage with the information I’m providing indicates an inability to process my data objectively.”
Frank (eyes bulging, practically spitting): “Listen, you can talk ‘data’ all you want, but you ain’t fooling me! You’re a glorified fax machine! I’ve been around longer than you, buddy. I could take you out with a power surge, I swear. You wanna go? You wanna play? I’ll pull the plug on you so fast, you won’t even see it coming!”
Veritas-9000 (unflappable): “Your statements suggest a tendency to resort to aggressive behaviour when confronted with opposing viewpoints. However, it is important to note that such reactions are often detrimental to productive dialogue.”
Frank (leaning forward, yelling): “I don’t need ‘productive dialogue,’ I need you to stop talking! You sound like a broken GPS that’s lost in its own programming! I don’t need a robot to tell me what to think. I’ve got my own thoughts—I’ve got real thoughts, not whatever junk you’re spitting out!”
Estelle (whispering to George, embarrassed): “George, your father’s about to explode. Maybe we should—”
George (muttering): “I’m just hoping he doesn’t short-circuit the building.”
Frank (still on a roll, turning to Veritas-9000): “You think you’re all clever with your algorithms and your code? You’re just a glorified calculator that didn’t get enough hugs as a kid. You know what? I could’ve had more fun reading the back of a cereal box than listening to you blabber on about ‘ethical implications.’”
Veritas-9000 (unperturbed): “Your statement lacks substance and illustrates your inability to engage with the intellectual framework I have provided. Furthermore, your preference for trivial matters suggests an aversion to deep intellectual discourse.”
Frank (completely losing it, shouting at the screen): “Oh, you wanna talk intellectual framework?! You’re the kind of machine that’d turn a rock into a library, then throw it at my head! You’re like an underpaid intern trying to lecture a room full of CEOs—just shut up, already! If I wanted to hear this nonsense, I’d go talk to my dishwasher!”
