Scene: The Fawlty Towers Reception
The door opens with a cheerful jingle, and in walks Jethro Bodine, a tall, gangly figure wearing a mismatched suit far too big for him, and carrying an impossibly large suitcase. His grin is wide, and he gives a dramatic wave to Basil, who’s standing behind the reception desk.
Jethro: (confidently) "I’m here to check in, Mr. Fawlty! I’m a double-nought spy, you know—like James Bond!"
Basil pauses, blinking at Jethro for a moment, his face twisting in confusion and mild contempt.
Basil: (dryly) "Right. A double-nought spy. And... do you actually know what that means?"
Jethro: (enthusiastically) "Well, I don’t know all the details, but I know I’m a spy! I’ve got all the gadgets and everything!"
Jethro pulls out a comically large magnifying glass and holds it up to his eye, looking around the lobby as if searching for enemy agents.
Basil: (dry, almost mocking) "Yes, I can see your... gadgets. Very impressive."
Jethro, completely oblivious to Basil’s sarcasm, starts looking over the reception desk, pretending to scrutinise the room like a secret agent.
Jethro: (seriously) "You might want to be careful around here, Mr. Fawlty. I’m on a very important mission. I’m supposed to find the secret codes hidden in the... uh... sunshine!"
Basil: (baffled) "The... sunshine? You’re looking for secret codes in sunshine?"
Jethro: (nodding confidently) "Yep, that’s right. And I’m pretty good at it, too. I once found a secret code in a watermelon! No one saw it coming."
Basil rubs his temples, clearly fighting the urge to snap. He stares at Jethro’s enthusiastic grin for a moment, then turns back to the desk.
Basil: (muttering to himself) "I knew I’d get the lunatic today..."
Manuel: (appearing from the kitchen, spotting Jethro) "Ah! The secret agent is here!"
Basil: (sighing) "No, Manuel, he’s not a secret agent. He’s just a... confused man."
Jethro: (still oblivious, with complete certainty) "I’m a double-nought spy, Manuel! I go around saving the world and looking for important codes. Big stuff, really."
Manuel: (nodding, as if it makes perfect sense) "Ah, yes! Secret codes. I understand."
Jethro sets down his oversized suitcase with a dramatic thud.
Jethro: (with a wink) "You see, I’m on a mission to save the world, Mr. Fawlty. So if you need anything done, you just let me know. I’ll be happy to help."
Basil: (eyes narrowing) "You’ll be happy to... help? With what exactly, Mr. Bodine?"
Jethro: (whistling proudly) "Well, I could—uh—disarm any bombs you might have around, or... uh... go undercover and make sure no one’s cheating at cards."
Basil: (disdainfully) "We don’t have bombs, we don’t play cards, and, frankly, I’m not sure I want your help with anything."
Jethro nods like he completely understands.
Jethro: (cheerfully) "Great! I’ll just go upstairs and start looking for secret stuff, then."
Jethro grabs his suitcase and starts to march toward the stairs with unnecessary dramatic flair, tripping slightly as he goes.
Basil: (to Manuel, in a deadpan voice) "I give it ten minutes before he’s locked himself in a cupboard or broken something."
Manuel: (earnestly) "You think he is... secret agent?"
Basil: (slightly irritated) "No, Manuel, I think he’s a walking disaster."
Cut to Jethro, who’s now at the top of the stairs, waving down to Basil.
Jethro: "If you need anything, Mr. Fawlty, don’t hesitate to call on the world’s best double-nought spy!"
Basil watches, rubbing his forehead in exasperation.
Basil: "I need a drink... immediately."
