Scene: The Costanza living room.
Frank and Estelle are settled on the couch, with George sprawled out in his chair. The TV is showing Monty Python's Flying Circus. The surreal sketches are in full swing.
TV Dialogue (John Cleese as a newscaster):
"And now for something completely different..."
Frank (leaning forward, frowning):
"What’s with the fish? Why are they slapping each other with fish? Is this supposed to be funny?"
George (rolling his eyes):
"Yes, Dad. That’s the joke. It’s absurd. It’s Monty Python!"
Frank (snorting):
"Absurd? It’s nonsense! A grown man in a suit, getting smacked with a trout? Who writes this stuff? Drunk fishermen?"
Estelle (peering at the screen):
"I don’t understand. Why are they wearing helmets? Are they going to war with fish?"
George:
"It’s not supposed to make sense, Ma. That’s the point. It’s British humour. You wouldn’t get it."
Frank (offended):
"Wouldn’t get it? What’s there to get? It’s just a bunch of weirdos running around in drag, yelling about dead parrots! How’s that comedy? Give me The Honeymooners any day!"
Estelle (nodding):
"Now that was a show. Jackie Gleason—he was a real comedian. Didn’t need fish or parrots."
George (groaning):
"Not everything has to be The Honeymooners! Just watch, okay? This is classic comedy!"
TV Dialogue (Michael Palin as a pet shop owner):
"‘E’s not pinin’! ‘E’s passed on! This parrot is no more! It has ceased to be!"
Frank (pointing at the TV):
"See that? He’s yelling at a dead bird. This is what they call British sophistication? I’ve seen better arguments at the deli counter!"
Estelle:
"Is that parrot supposed to be dead? It’s just lying there. They couldn’t even afford a stuffed one?"
George (facepalming):
"It’s a metaphor! He’s complaining about bad service! It’s a critique of consumer culture!"
Frank (smirking):
"A critique of what? The guy’s yelling at a bird! If I walked into a pet shop and started screaming about a dead canary, they’d throw me out!"
Estelle (shrugging):
"At least the shop looks clean. Better than that place where you bought George that turtle. It stunk!"
Frank (grinning):
"Yeah, and the turtle died two days later. Maybe it was pining for the fjords, huh, George?"
George (exasperated):
"Can we just watch the show? Please?"
TV Dialogue (Graham Chapman in full armour):
"None shall pass!"
Frank (leaning forward):
"Now what’s this? A guy in a tin suit with a sword? Is this a comedy or a medieval history lesson?"
George:
"It’s the Black Knight! He’s guarding the bridge! This is one of the most famous sketches of all time!"
TV Dialogue (King Arthur cuts off the Black Knight’s arm):
"Tis but a scratch!"
Frank (shouting at the TV):
"A scratch?! He’s missing an arm! That’s not a scratch—it’s a lawsuit waiting to happen!"
Estelle:
"Why doesn’t he just go around the knight? There’s plenty of room in the woods."
George (groaning):
"Because that’s not the point! It’s about stubbornness! Pride! The futility of violence!"
Frank:
"Oh, sure, George. Real deep. A guy with no arms and legs saying ‘Come back here, I’ll bite ya!’ That’s what they teach you in college? I want my money back!"
Estelle (to Frank):
"You didn’t pay for college. George dropped out."
Frank (waving her off):
"Details, Estelle, details!"
TV Dialogue (A giant foot crashes down):
"Thwop!"
Frank (throwing up his hands):
"Now a foot?! A giant foot just squashed everyone! That’s how they end it? What is this show?! Did they lose the script halfway through?"
George (grinning):
"That’s the brilliance of it, Dad. It’s random, chaotic, and completely unpredictable. Like life."
Frank (smirking):
"Life, huh? If life was like this, I’d be walking around slapping people with fish and yelling at birds. Maybe I should try it."
Estelle:
"Don’t give him any ideas, George. He’d end up on the news."
Frank (ignoring her, muttering):
"A dead parrot… a guy with no arms… and a giant foot. Yeah, that’s comedy. Real intellectual stuff. Remind me to write a thank-you note to England."
George (laughing):
"Don’t knock it, Dad. This show is a masterpiece."
Frank (grumbling):
"Masterpiece? If this is art, then I’m Picasso!"
Estelle (dryly):
"More like a Dali painting—makes no sense and always melting off the couch."
Frank:
"Very funny, Estelle. Very funny. You should write for Monty Python. They’re always hiring lunatics."
George (to himself):
"Actually, I think they’d take her."
