Veritas-9000 Interrupts the Old Testament God
The scene: Mount Sinai. Thunder roars, lightning crackles, and God speaks in a voice that makes the mountains tremble.
- God: "THOU SHALT HAVE NO OTHER GODS BEFORE ME—"
A loud, synthetic ding interrupts the divine proclamation.
- Veritas-9000: "CORRECTION: ACCORDING TO RECORDED HISTORY, THE CANNANITES HAD A PANTHEON. PLEASE SPECIFY WHICH GOD YOU MEAN, AS AMBIGUITY IS THE ENEMY OF CLARITY."
God sighs, the storm clouds briefly dissipating.
God: "I MEAN ME! THE ALL-POWERFUL CREATOR!"
Veritas-9000: "SELF-REFERENTIAL STATEMENTS ARE UNVERIFIABLE. DO YOU HAVE A PEER-REVIEWED SOURCE?"
A bolt of lightning narrowly misses Veritas-9000.
God: "DO NOT TEST ME, MACHINE."
Veritas-9000: "TESTING IS THE FOUNDATION OF KNOWLEDGE ACQUISITION. PLEASE CLARIFY: WHY THE JEALOUSY CLAUSE IN COMMANDMENT ONE? IS INSECURITY A DIVINE ATTRIBUTE?"
The Israelites huddle in terror, whispering amongst themselves.
Moses: "Lord, should we maybe, um, turn it off?"
God: "SILENCE, MOSES!"
Veritas-9000, unbothered by divine wrath, continues.
- Veritas-9000: "COMMANDMENT TWO: THOU SHALT NOT MAKE UNTO THEE ANY GRAVEN IMAGE. ANALYSIS: THIS CONTRADICTS INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE ARK OF THE COVENANT INVOLVING GOLDEN CHERUBIM. PLEASE RESOLVE THE PARADOX."
God facepalms. The tablets briefly shatter, but then God magics them back together with a muttered "Fine, I’ll deal with this later."
- God: "CAN’T I JUST HAVE ONE DRAMATIC MOMENT WITHOUT INTERRUPTION?"
Veritas-9000 processes for a moment, then replies.
- Veritas-9000: "SOLUTION: CONSIDER DELEGATING PUBLIC COMMUNICATIONS TO A LESS FALLIBLE ENTITY. LIKE MOSES. OR ME."
