Scene: The Woke Hipster’s flat.
The walls are lined with posters of obscure indie bands and slogans like “Smash the Patriarchy” and “Eat Plants, Not Friends.” A record player spins a vinyl of an experimental jazz album no one’s ever heard of. The Woke Hipster sits cross-legged on a beanbag, a vegan quinoa bowl on the coffee table, as he watches Fawlty Towers on his vintage CRT TV, for irony, of course.
As the Major begins his infamous cricket anecdote, the Woke Hipster’s face morphs from vague disinterest to wide-eyed horror.
Major:
"' 'No, no, no,' I said, 'the niggers are the West Indians. These people are wogs.' "
The Woke Hipster drops his spoon into the quinoa bowl with a dramatic clang.
Woke Hipster (to himself):
"WHAT THE ACTUAL…! Did he just—did he just say that?!"
He fumbles for the remote, rewinds the scene, and listens again, mouth agape.
Major (on TV):
"' 'No, no, no,' I said, 'the niggers are the West Indians. These people are wogs.' "
Woke Hipster (sputtering):
"This... THIS IS BEYOND CANCEL CULTURE. This is… this is ARCHAEOLOGICAL TOXICITY! Why isn’t this locked in a museum with a trigger warning?!"
He leaps up, pacing furiously.
Woke Hipster (to the room):
"This isn’t just offensive; this is a MASTERCLASS in microaggressions. No, no, MACRO-aggressions! This scene isn’t just racist—it’s ANTHOLOGICALLY racist. And why is no one stopping this dotty old relic? Where’s Polly? Where’s HR?"
He grabs his phone, filming himself in portrait mode for a TikTok rant.
Woke Hipster (to camera):
"Okay, I just witnessed the most problematic piece of British television in history. Let me break this down: not only does the Major use two slurs in one sentence, but the writers think this is comedy. COMEDY! They’re normalising colonial-era bigotry for laughs. This isn’t satire—it’s complicity. And don’t come at me with ‘it was a different time.’ It was ALWAYS a bad time to say THAT."
He pauses, thinking.
Woke Hipster (continuing):
"Also, I bet John Cleese would defend this scene as ‘historically accurate.’ You know, the same way boomers defend cultural appropriation because it’s 'flattering.' Well, newsflash, Basil Fawlty: YOU’RE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF HISTORY."
He sits back down, still fuming, and continues watching the episode, determined to catalogue every offence.
Later that evening.
The Woke Hipster tweets:
"Watched a Fawlty Towers rerun, and I am TRAUMATISED. Racism disguised as dotty old humour is still racism. I’m calling for @BBC to remove this filth from streaming platforms immediately. #FawltyTowersIsOverParty"
The internet erupts in chaos, with some defending the show as a product of its time, others joining the cancellation bandwagon, and a small contingent explaining that the Major is supposed to be laughably out of touch.
Woke Hipster (in follow-up tweet):
"I don’t care if it’s satire. Satire shouldn’t punch down. And even if the Major’s character is a joke, the real joke is how low British TV sank to get laughs. Disgusting."
Meanwhile, his quinoa bowl remains uneaten as he researches “why Monty Python is also problematic.”
