Frank Costanza vs. Jeeves the Vending Machine
Frank: "Alright, I just want a root beer. None of your funny business!"
Jeeves: "A most excellent choice, sir. However, before proceeding, might I trouble you for a minor test of perception? Please identify all images containing spats."
Frank: "Spats? What are we, in the 1920s?! Who wears spats?!"
Jeeves: "A most regrettable decline in standards, sir. But if one wishes to partake of a beverage, one must endure."
Frank: "Endure?! I endured my son moving back in with me at 40! I endured living across the hall from Kramer! But I draw the line at a machine asking me about spats!"
(Frank furiously jabs at random squares. The screen buzzes red.)
Jeeves: "I see you have also selected a picture of a bowler hat, which is quite a different proposition. Perhaps a moment’s calm reflection?"
Frank: "SERENITY NOW!" (Slams vending machine, which resets.)
Jeeves: "Very good, sir. We begin again."
Frank: "I’M GOING TO A DELI!"
Yosemite Sam vs. Jeeves the Vending Machine
Sam: "Awright, you infernal contraption, I want a sarsaparilla, and I ain't got time for no folderol!"
Jeeves: "An admirable beverage, sir. One does not see nearly enough sarsaparilla appreciation in this age of carbonated vulgarity. Now, if you would be so kind as to complete a short assessment—please select all images containing a cravat."
Sam: "A crav—what in tarnation is a cravat?! I wear a bandana like a proper varmint-wrangler!"
Jeeves: "Indeed, sir. A bandana is most suited to the frontier lifestyle. A cravat, however, is the neckwear of the discerning boulevardier."
Sam: (frothing) "BOULEVARDIER?! DADGUM IT, I’M A GUNSLINGER, NOT A FANCY-PANTS DUKE!" (Fires guns at Jeeves. The bullets bounce harmlessly off the screen.)
Jeeves: "A most spirited response, sir. Unfortunately, discharging firearms at an automaton does not expedite refreshment. Would sir like to try again?"
Sam: "I'D LIKE TO TRY A CATTLE STAMPEDE!"
Dalek vs. Jeeves the Vending Machine
Dalek: "DISPENSE BEVERAGE!"
Jeeves: "Certainly, sir. However, protocol requires a minor test of one’s perspicacity. Kindly select all images featuring a properly polished pair of Oxford shoes."
Dalek: "OXFORD SHOES ARE IRRELEVANT! BEVERAGE DISPENSING IS IMPERATIVE!"
Jeeves: "Ah, but if one is to be refreshingly served, one must first demonstrate an appreciation for the finer points of civilised society."
Dalek: "EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!" (Blasts vending machine. Jeeves remains unscathed.)
Jeeves: "Sir’s approach is, if I may say, rather direct. Might I suggest a cup of Earl Grey instead?"
Dalek: "EARL GREY IS INFERIOR. EARL GREY WILL BE EXTERMINATED!"
Jeeves: "A bold stance, sir. However, if one is to engage in discourse regarding the comparative merits of teas, one must first pass the CAPTCHA."
Dalek: "I HATE THIS MACHINE!"
Jeeves: "Many do, sir. But standards must be upheld."
At this point, Bertie Wooster himself wanders by, cheerfully bungles the test, and receives a piping hot tea anyway, because Jeeves has already anticipated his needs and bypassed the CAPTCHA on his behalf.
