Scene: The Flat Earth Carnival
The flat-earthers, emboldened by their “victory,” host an impromptu carnival to celebrate their triumph over the "lying extraterrestrial globists." There’s a ring toss game (with frisbees, naturally), a dunk tank labelled “Dunk NASA,” and a booth where you can throw pies at a cardboard cutout of Neil deGrasse Tyson.
The Daleks, meanwhile, are observing from the safety of their fleet in orbit.
Dalek #1:
"THESE HU-MANS MOCK US. THIS INSULT WILL NOT STAND!"
Supreme Logicator Dalek:
"ANALYSIS: THE HU-MANS’ IGNORANCE IS A SHIELD. LOGIC IS INEFFECTIVE. NEW STRATEGY REQUIRED."
A lower-ranking Dalek tentatively raises its plunger-like appendage.
Dalek #3:
"PERMISSION TO SPEAK, SUPREME LOGICATOR?"
Supreme Logicator Dalek:
"GRANTED. BUT BE BRIEF. MY PATIENCE IS FRAYED."
Dalek #3:
"IF WE CANNOT CONQUER WITH LOGIC, WE MUST INFILTRATE. WE SHALL POSE AS FLAT-EARTHERS TO DESTROY THEM FROM WITHIN."
A stunned silence follows. Then:
Dalek #2:
"THIS PLAN IS ABSURD!"
Supreme Logicator Dalek:
"ABSURDITY MAY BE OUR ONLY HOPE. BEGIN OPERATION: FLAT DALEK."
Act 4: Daleks Go Undercover
The next day, a suspiciously shiny group of "flat-earthers" roll into the carnival. These are, of course, the Daleks in poorly-conceived disguises: they’ve covered themselves in tinfoil hats, duct-taped frisbees to their sides, and painted slogans like “NO GLOBE, NO PROBLEM” on their casings.
Todd:
"Whoa! New recruits! Welcome to the movement!"
Dalek #1 (in an awkward monotone):
"FLAT-EARTH-ER. WE AGREE. EARTH IS FLAT. GRAVITY IS FAKE."
Todd:
"Right on! Wanna join our debate panel later? We’re gonna prove the moon is just a hologram!"
Supreme Logicator Dalek (undercover):
"YES. WE SHALL EXPOSE NASA'S LIES."
The Daleks are invited to set up a booth. They attempt to blend in, but their sheer incompetence gives them away.
Flat-earther #2:
"Uh… why does your sign say, ‘EXTERMINATE THE ROUND EARTHERS’? That’s a bit aggressive, don’t you think?"
Dalek #2 (fumbling):
"IT WAS A TYPO. WE MEANT… EDUCATE. YES, EDUCATE."
Flat-earther #3:
"And why are you... vibrating?"
Supreme Logicator Dalek:
"WE ARE JUST… EXCITED FOR TRUTH. THAT IS ALL."
Act 5: The Debate Meltdown
The Daleks are invited onto the main stage to present their "research." The flat-earthers crowd around, cheering and waving their signs. Todd introduces them.
Todd:
"Alright, everyone, give it up for our new friends from... uh, where’d you say you were from again?"
Supreme Logicator Dalek:
"WE COME FROM THE DALEK... FLAT-EARTH CHAPTER."
The crowd erupts in applause. The Daleks begin their presentation, but their programming starts to betray them.
Dalek #1 (pointing to a hologram of Earth):
"THIS IS A FLAT DISC. IT FLOATS IN SPACE. EXCEPT SPACE DOES NOT EXIST. EXCEPT…"
It freezes, sparks flying.
Dalek #3 (panicking):
"WE HAVE NO EVIDENCE. ONLY EMOTION. THIS IS INTOLERABLE!"
Supreme Logicator Dalek:
"DO NOT MALFUNCTION! STICK TO THE SCRIPT!"
But it’s too late. The Daleks’ innate need for logic overrides their flimsy disguises.
Dalek #2:
"THE EARTH IS A SPHERE! WE CANNOT LIE! THIS ENTIRE MOVEMENT IS BASED ON FALSEHOODS!"
The crowd gasps. A flat-earther in the front row faints. Todd steps forward, pointing an accusatory finger.
Todd:
"Traitors! You’re with NASA, aren’t you?!"
Supreme Logicator Dalek:
"WE HAVE BEEN EXPOSED! RETREAT! RETREAT!"
Act 6: Escape and Reflection
The Daleks scramble back to their ships, pelted by frisbees and paper mâché globes. As they blast off into space, Supreme Logicator Dalek delivers a final monologue to his crew.
Supreme Logicator Dalek:
"WE CAME TO CONQUER. WE LEAVE DEFEATED. THE FLAT-EARTHERS HAVE PROVEN THAT IRRATIONALITY IS A WEAPON MORE POWERFUL THAN ANY LASER. THIS DAY SHALL HAUNT US FOREVER."
Back on Earth, Todd raises his frisbee high.
Todd:
"And that, my friends, is why flat-earthers will NEVER be silenced! Victory is ours!"
The crowd cheers as fireworks shaped like flat Earths light up the sky.
