Scene: The Dalek Invasion Begins
The Daleks’ fleet descends dramatically upon Earth, hovering over a flat, barren expanse in the American Midwest. A crowd of flat-earthers gathers, armed with homemade "Research Flat Earth" signs and YouTube livestream setups. The Daleks’ leader, Supreme Logicator Dalek, emerges from a golden saucer-shaped ship.
Supreme Logicator Dalek:
"HU-MANS! TAKE US TO YOUR LEADER!"
The flat-earthers murmur amongst themselves, glancing at each other uncertainly. A man in cargo shorts, Todd, steps forward.
Todd:
"Our leader? Uh… we don’t really do centralised leadership. Flat earthers are free thinkers!"
Supreme Logicator Dalek:
"THIS RESPONSE IS ILLOGICAL! YOU WILL PROVIDE COORDINATES TO YOUR PLANETARY RULER!"
Todd:
"Okay, first off, it’s not a planet. Planets are spherical lies made up by NASA. Second, the Earth is flat. Welcome to the truth!"
Supreme Logicator Dalek:
"EARTH IS NOT FLAT. IT IS A GEOIDAL SPHEROID. OBSERVATION CONFIRMS."
Todd:
"Observation? Like CGI photos? Get real! If the Earth were round, why haven’t we fallen off? Hmm? Ever think about that, tin can?"
Act 1: The Argument Heats Up
Other flat-earthers chime in with increasingly absurd counterarguments.
Flat-earther #1:
"Gravity doesn’t exist! Density and buoyancy explain everything!"
Flat-earther #2:
"Yeah, and how come we can see for miles without a curve? Huh?"
The Daleks huddle in an emergency strategy meeting, their metallic voices overlapping in panic.
Dalek #1:
"THESE HU-MANS ARE INSUFFERABLY ILLOGICAL!"
Dalek #2:
"OUR MISSION IS TO CONQUER, BUT THEY HAVE DEFEATED US WITH NONSENSE!"
Supreme Logicator Dalek:
"WE MUST ADAPT. BEGIN RE-EDUCATION PROTOCOLS!"
Act 2: Chaos Ensues
The Daleks produce holographic globes to explain Earth's shape, but the flat-earthers insist they’re propaganda tools. A heated debate breaks out, with Daleks and flat-earthers both yelling over each other. The crowd starts chanting:
"WHERE’S THE CURVE? WHERE’S THE CURVE?"
A young woman, Daisy, interrupts, holding up a laser pointer.
Daisy:
"Okay, but like… how do you explain sunsets? Checkmate, flat-earthers."
The Daleks buzz approvingly.
Supreme Logicator Dalek:
"ACCEPTABLE ARGUMENT. PROMOTE THIS HU-MAN TO AMBASSADOR."
But the flat-earthers boo her down. Todd grabs a frisbee and holds it aloft.
Todd:
"This is Earth! FLAT AND PROUD!"
A Dalek examines the frisbee with its eyestalk.
Dalek #3:
"ERROR! THIS OBJECT IS NOT A PLANET. IT IS A PLASTIC DISC!"
Todd:
"And yet it proves everything. Think about that."
Act 3: Existential Crisis for the Daleks
The flat-earthers’ sheer persistence begins to crack the Daleks’ confidence.
Dalek #2:
"QUERY: WHAT IF EARTH IS FLAT? HAVE WE BEEN PROGRAMMED WITH LIES?"
Dalek #1:
"ILL-LOGICAL! OUR DATABASES ARE INFALLIBLE!"
Supreme Logicator Dalek:
"YET WE CANNOT DEFEAT THEIR IGNORANCE! IS THIS THE LIMIT OF DALEK POWER?"
Meanwhile, the flat-earthers try to "deprogram" the Daleks using a projector and slides of YouTube comments.
Flat-earther #3:
"Now watch this 3-hour video I made about the Antarctic ice wall."
Epilogue: A Retreat in Disgrace
After hours of futile debate, the Daleks retreat to their ships, thoroughly demoralised. As they take off, Todd waves his frisbee triumphantly.
Todd:
"Flat Earth wins again! NASA lies! WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!"
Inside the mothership, the Supreme Logicator Dalek turns to its crew.
Supreme Logicator Dalek:
"NEW MISSION: NEVER RETURN TO EARTH. THESE HU-MANS ARE IMPERVIOUS TO REASON. EX-TER-MI-NATE LOGIC."
The fleet warps away, leaving Earth untouched, while the flat-earthers celebrate their "victory."
